Although it seems like so many of my friends are having babies at and around the same time that we did, there is something very isolating about having a baby (or babies, in our case). I first was able to put a finger on this feeling after I went on a walk with a friend and her baby at the beginning of the summer.
No, this isn’t postpartum depression, but it is loneliness. It’s the feeling that life is going on around you, without you.
Now, I have to be really careful to not seem like I’m complaining, because I am not. I longed for these babies, prayed for them, wanted them so much. I am more in love with them each and every day. I truly love my life and my family. I’m not overwhelmed like I was in the early days of motherhood. I actually feel quite settled.
But there are days and weeks that I do feel lonely. It’s odd, because I constantly have 2 other living, breathing, interacting beings with me at all hours of the day. At night, I have my amazing husband. I have a dog and a cat that vie for my attention. I also have a fantastic family: parents, parents-in-law, siblings, my sisters-in-law and brother-in-law, nephew… all who give me the adult stimulation that I need. They are there for me to talk, share feelings, being friends as well as family.
Yet I do feel loneliness and isolated.
My friends and co-workers from before are not in the same stage of life as me. They have not chosen to stay at home with their children (if they have any). If they do stay home, they aren’t moms of multiples, so they don’t have the same challenges as I do. Believe me, things are a lot more complicated with two babies than with one (or even one and a toddler).
Again, I’m not complaining… I’m just pointing it out. Having babies is isolating. Friends won’t be around like they used to. If you want to spend time with them, you have to figure out what to do with the babies (find a sitter? bring them? plan around meals/naps/activity time?). They will say that you can do something after they go to bed. You know what, though? You will just want to sleep.