Exhausted

It’s amazing how fast things can change when you have infants. I wrote this post on March 18 during an exhausting time, but I decided not to publish it right away. It’s amazing to look back just a few short weeks later to see how things have changed for the better.

Get ready for a complain-y post. I have to do it.

I’m exhausted. Instead of only waking up once in the middle of the night, we are up to two or three times for feedings.

David hasn’t slept well in between those feedings for a few nights now. So when we should sleep, we can’t because we have a fussy baby.

Toby also takes odd times when we are sleeping to cry/knock things off the counter/open drawers/be a menace.

Lucy also now likes to ring the bell to go out every time we are busy with the babies and can’t get to her.

Lucy also sometimes refuses to eat her meal (not like her), almost as if she is protesting.

Tim has had some dreadful weeks at work. He will work a full day, and then he will continue to work until we go to sleep.

I’ve been battling a hurt shoulder for well over a month. We are talking shooting pain, tingling, all-the-time soreness. I got a cortisone shot and have been going to physical therapy, and nothing is helping. Plus, I can’t rest it because I constantly have these babies that need me and I have to hold and feed them. I want to cry constantly because of the pain.

I can’t go to the gym because I can’t pick up the car seats by myself.

I don’t like to leave the babies with just one person, because I know that if I struggle with two at once by myself, how will not-the-mom do it?

I worry that I’m not making enough milk for their needs now. I don’t have time to pump to keep building my supply.

I want to also supplement with formula, but I’ve gotten all kinds of pressure not to do that. I feel guilty that I want to add in formula as well as breast milk, but my back/shoulder hurts so much.

I’m tired of the cold weather. I’m ready for spring so I can take these babies out and about more. Then I remember I can’t until my shoulder is better.

I feel isolated. I soooo want visitors and friends to come over, because I feel stuck in a bubble here. But the babies are also fussy and we have to stick to our schedule and… and… and…

Anyone with one baby at a doesn’t know how lucky they have it. I wouldn’t trade my babies for anything, but to only have one baby at a time is a luxury. Yes, I said it. A luxury. And for those that have their babies in age close together doesn’t count. Not. The. Same.

Yes, I am still exhausted, especially now that we have hit a major sleep regression. Some of these feelings still exist. But each day really does get better. My shoulder still isn’t fully healed, but it is better. The babies still get up 2-3 times a night, but it’s ok. I do look forward to seeing them each time (even if I am exhausted). Naps aren’t “fixed,” so I don’t get a break, but it’s really ok. We’re making this work. We’re doing it one day at a time, and it’s ok!

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